Tag Archives: I Am

Kianna’s mom wonders: ‘Where did my liver go?’

Guest Post
Interestingly, a few weeks ago, Jackson’s Journal posted a blog which referenced a song that was stuck in my head for weeks. The lyrics in Nichole Nordeman’s song “I Am” are powerful, and for some reason this one was been stuck in my head: “Bless the moments that we feel You nearer.”
Maybe you are expecting something else from Kianna’s mom. 
But I sum up the past nine months of this experience as a “moment that we feel You nearer.” Or maybe it is a combination of many moments like these: 
– We had our first ultrasound at six weeks. The doctor said, “Congratulations! You are the proud parents of a dot!” I looked at Darnell, my husband, and maybe there was a small tear in the corner of his eye. I didn’t know what to say because the dot was moving. It had a heartbeat. This little peanut with a heartbeat is what makes me puke all day and night? Wow. “And bless the moments that we feel You nearer.”
– Darnell and I were walking our dog one day. When we walk through our neighborhood we mostly talk about all of the pretty houses and lawns. Why are the moles just in our yard? How did they get their rose-bush to look so full?  But this was a fairly quiet walk. For some reason on this walk it hit me: If there is a child inside of me, where did my intestines move? And where did my liver go? This was really bothering me, so when I got home I looked up a diagram of where all the organs move to make room for the baby, and I was kind of in awe. I know it’s crazy – and graphic. But He rearranged all of my insides to make room for this little girl. It wasn’t such a moving moment because of the unexpected anatomy lesson. But it was a moment that I realized God was taking care of it all. Even my liver. Bless that moment, because I could feel Him so much nearer.
– When I first met Darnell seven years ago, all he owned was a gym bag of clothes. That’s it. He has an amazing testimony that he rarely shares, but when he does, listen closely. He never imagined this life that we have: marriage, great jobs, a beautiful house, and now a baby to complete it all. So when I walked by Kianna’s room one day, and I saw Darnell asleep in my late Granny’s rocking chair, I felt so blessed to be a part of Darnell’s blessing. It sounds a little crazy, but in that moment, I realized that I am almost more excited to see Darnell hold this little girl than for myself.  And wow … if there wasn’t such a presence in that moment. I felt Him much nearer. 

Kianna's expectant parents: Darnell and Kishia Brown.

MY message to Kianna

Your dad and I have made mistakes in our lives, and you will, too. But we have made sure we took steps to try to learn from those mistakes. And those steps we have taken in our lives together have been intentional. We may have waited many years to have a child, but that is because we wanted the best life for you.
You were seven years in the making.
Your dad and I have loved you before you were born. We have loved you before you were even conceived.
And we will always love you.
You will have moments in your life that are happy and amazing and you will feel so blessed. You will also have moments in your life that are sad and scary and you will feel overwhelmed. Embrace all of it and “bless the moments that we feel You nearer.”


Filed under Family, Guest Blog, Kianna Allene Brown